I Hate the Weatherman Posted by Sad Blogger , 10.7.12 at Tuesday, July 10, 2012, in

David Spence stinks. I want someday for him to suddenly fall over in the middle of a weather forecast and explode.


I suppose I should append that I don't wish him any harm. I don't want him to die or break any bones or even get a paper cut (although a few paper cuts wouldn't be so bad...especially on his face. I would enjoy seeing little paper cut nicks all over his dumb face). But I'm in no way advocating any sort of injury or death to David Spence.


I would simply enjoy watching him fall over and explode.


Now, I've never much cared for David and his protruding belly. I met him once on a tour of the CFCN studio and he was surly and brutish. But today is the day I've finally had enough because today I saw a new side of him. As we're in the middle of Stampede week, Mr. Spence and his ragtag crew of newscasters are all decked out in their High Noon best. Except perhaps "best" is a stretch. While it's true that the majority of said newscasters have put an effort into cowboying up, Ol' David Weatherman decided it was fine to just show up in a poofy pair of jeans he bought in 1992, a shirt made from the wallpaper in a 19th Century plantation house's bathroom, and the glasses worn by the old man who fixed Woody in Toy Story 2. With his awful, distended abdomen and his crop of vulture hair, I just wanted a little Mexican boy to whollop him with a stick and watch candy come pouring out of a ragged, unnatural vent in his torso.

I feel pressured by my own standards of quantity over quality to add more to this. But there really wasn't any moral or message to this entry. For the time, I'm going to use the excuse of my intention to write daily to justify the quantity AND quality of this post. Pray for your own sake it gets better from here.