This Is Kind Of A Funny Story Posted by Happy Blogger , 14.8.11 at Sunday, August 14, 2011, in

I'm going to keep this one brief.

I know that working in the theater business, you are likely to run into to people, people perhaps that you didn't really want to run into.

However. It is your job. You are paid to do this. So personal feelings aside, and I answer the phone as usual.

Typically a good reservation can be done in 3-5 minutes, but some days you get the people who really REALLY enjoy just talking.

This particular phone conversation went on for atleast 15 minutes...however the circumstances of the conversation made it seem like an eternity. I ask for their phone number (per usual) to pull up their file, and I realize that this person has the same last name of my ex.
Just because they have the same last name doesn't mean that it's his mom, it could be
just someone with the same last name, that happens, ya know!?
She tells me her son would really enjoy all the music of the play.
Okay, as far as I last knew, he did like this music, however maybe it's a possibility it's
not him...
She tells me she wants to bring her son for an early birthday present
Okay, sooo now her sons birthday happens to be the same month, turning
the age he is supposed to be turning...

WARNING: Now, this is when things get a little awkward, I know realized I was speaking to my ex's mother, but I didn't want to tell her or anything because I was at work, doing my job, and I kept figuring that the conversation would end, like it was supposed to 10 minutes ago.

She asks me about the bar next to the theater, she wants to know if there is a dance floor- her son LOVES to dance (shit) . I tell her I'm not old enough to be in the bar, so I don't know all that much about it. She then goes to tell me that I should meet her son, he's really a nice, cute boy. (Ummm, been there, done that, got the t-shirt) **insert awkward/nervous laughter here** She then asks about what high school I went to. (Shit, why didn't I lie). Then she asks if I had any older siblings that went there/ and their last name. ( Shit, am I really telling her my sisters name). THEN she asks to confirm my name again (Yes, you have just been talking to your sons ex girlfriend on the phone for the last 15 minutes, tried to set me up with him, and now are realizing...) "OOooh, Happy Blogger?- Bye"

Conversation didn't last all that much longer.
Cool.

Oh, did I mention that I work the doors the night that they were coming to the show?
Yeah...
Thank God, I was busy with another customer when they came through.
However, I did have to walk in last customer into our theater and the end, and I had to walk right past their table. I'll be honest, the revenge push up bra I bought the day before made me feel really good about myself. And I walked away all self righteous.

The end.

Oh, and for those who care, there's a 40% off all bra's at Aerie.
Definitely worth investing.
-Happy Blogger

The Old Colossus Posted by Sad Blogger , 13.8.11 at Saturday, August 13, 2011, in

Well hello there. It's only been ages since we've made a peep, eh? I swear I think about you, even though there's only like one or two of you, you matter to me. The thing is I don't want to submit you to all the terrible ideas I've had for posts over the course of the summer so far. I have a travel blog to go through and edit and pretty-up for you and maybe that will be nice some day. But apart from that, the ol' inspiration (remember that stuff?) is nowhere to be found.

However, I had kind of a cool idea for an angry poem today. I wanted it to be long and epic and full of rage. I wanted it to articulate a kind of creative fury through the use of clever punchlines. What I ended up doing was sort of mashing together some awkward rhymes and giving it a re-read and bursting with shocked laughter at how hateful it was. It doesn't convey any sort of feelings that I actually have, I just wanted to remodel Emma Lazarus' The New Colossus. But as you can see, it managed to contort itself into something my great grandfather, raised in small town Texas at the turn of the century, would probably have beamed at. Have a look-see:

you know what
take back your tired your poor your huddled masses
your fat asses and assholes your cops and robbers maggots and tadpoles
the wretched refuse junkies and users domestic abusers
wretcheder and refuser
there's enough teeming on our own shores
take them back
we don't need yours

So ya, not long at all, hardly clever (To be honest, I'm pretty proud of the concept and I insist on its brilliance), and just off the rails in terms of hate. Not anger, hatred.

Anyhow, it is what it is. Of all the things I could have posted after such a lengthy sabbatical, it's not quite up to the standards I feel I've established for myself but now I'm rambling to an degree even more embarrassing than usual. So take it or leave and a bunch of other dismissive cliches. I hope I can pop in to give you something far more glorious in the near future.

Might have to change my name,

   - Sad Blogger

I Want To Ride My Bicyle! Posted by Happy Blogger , 19.7.11 at Tuesday, July 19, 2011, in

I want to ride my bicycle!
I want to ride by bike!
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride it where I like!

Let's be honest, there is nothing worse than having a summer where you spend it moping around, trying to find things to do. Yes, I have a part time job answering phones for a Dinner Theater Company, but that only takes up a minimal amount of my time. I do some odd baby sitting jobs and 'get my mail' jobs, but realistically that's not going to eat up my days either. Because I need to make money like crazy, I have to stay at home all summer.

For the first little bit of July, I got the privledge to stay in a gorgeous house and watch my cousins dog. This house was a house sitters dream. Absolutely massive, huge TV's, king sized beds that smell like scented candles, massive deck, and I had the liberty to use anything in the house. Need I say more.

I also had a massive family reunion. Only 1/4 of my familes history was completely written out on 3 huge poster boards. It's ridiculous. My family was the kind of family that would organize a reunion where we would have a huge party where we sat around tables, passed around a microphone, each introduced ourslelves, and figure out why we were named what we were named, and see if our names have family ties. When it was my mother's turn to explain my name, she said I was named my first name because it was Irish, and it flowed with my older sisters name. Then she went on to explain that my middle name (which was my great grammy's name) was given to me because when my great grammy came to visit me in the hopsital and she held me, we both had wrinkly hands. What a story, huh?

We also had different colored bandana's given out for each generation and gender and wore them the entire night. Oh, and not to mention, we tried to teach all our american relatives to line danec. Out of all of them, my 83 year old great aunt who's a nun did the best job. Amen!

Some days I spend with my Gramma, just helping her with stuff around the house. I love going over because when she goes down for her afternoon nap, I also sneak off to her living room where she has a massive massage chair, and sit there in utter happiness and after a massage or 2, take a snooze. Not to mention, she has a beautiful sounding piano, where I can sit for hours and just play whatever.

In preparation for the arrival of the finale to the Harry Potter movie series, I watched the DVD's at home, and dug myself a hole in my TV room where I indulged in the magic and catered to silly headaches with water and advil.

In my opinion, I thoroughly enjoyed the last film. I got the worst gut wrenching feeling when Snape was killed, and when we saw Lupin and Tonks dead. Personally, I didn't think that Fred got the credit he deserved when he died. I started to full on bawl when Harry approached the Dark Forest, accepting his death. For whatever reason, seeing his parents, Lupin and Sirius just killed me. Then, I kind of spent the rest of the movie laughing. Voldemort trying to all pumped about Harry being dead just made me laugh, and that 'awkward moment when the dark lord tries to hug you' with Malfoy just made me laugh. I can recall the first time reading the Epilogue in the 7th book, and keeling over laughing and almost peeing my pants laughing, so I did the same in the movie. I mean, how can you not laugh? All was well!

The same night I saw Harry Potter, I also saw the Winnie the Pooh movie. It was seriously so well done, and the cutest thing I have ever seen. At one point, my cousin pointed out the tigger reminds her of my Dad. I don't think I can ever look a tigger the same way again, mind my dad. It's weird how my Dad oddly resembles an ADHD Tiger.

Bouncy bouncy bouncy bouncy fun fun fun FUN FUN!

I'll be able to keep myself preoccupied for the rest of the month of July, however I feel that august is going to be the longest month of my life.

All I want to do is ride my bike. The only thing that kind of sucks is that one of my families bike has a sketchy gears and makes clicking noises and the other 2 have a flat tire that my dad lost the pump to fill the tires up. Hmmmmph! I shall have to figure that out. For August, it'll only be my sister and I at home. She works full time, I don't. Meh! I feel like I'll do alot of solo exploring.

Sunday morning, go for a ride?

I'm really hoping to score fulltime come september. I might die from emptiness. Not actually, but still.

I need to start setting little goals. Like learn how a stupidly hard piano piece, knit a sweater, learn to meditate, read books, make a scrap book, lie out and watch the stars, actually make plans if I'm bored, walk along the river, have a cards night, clean my room, go for a jog- a hike! Do a puzzle, climb a tree, draw a picture, camp out in the back yard, have a camp fire, sing into the broom when no ones looking, work out, bake, sleep in, wake up early, learn new language, ...live really.

So this is me, logging in from my first bike ride of the summer. Even though it was twice as hard peddling with a flat tire, I persisted on. Hopefully it will be the first of many adventures.

La la la la la la la la la la

-Happy Blogger

Honey Pie, You Are Making Me Crazy. Posted by Happy Blogger , 13.7.11 at Wednesday, July 13, 2011, in

It's been a veeeeeeeery long time since I've written anything. I never even finished my adventures in China... for another time maybe.

Let's just say I've been in limbo, and I'm waiting to come back to earth.

In all news, I graduated highschool with 195 credits, and walked the stage and managed not to trip. However, as I was getting my picture taken with my principal, I walked away so excited, running off to give my TA a giant hug, I by accidentally left my diploma with the principal. He had to run over to me and say "Happy Blogger! You might want this..."

The mass earlier that day was interesting. We got to sit in alphabetical order within our TA groups. My TA group always seems to be the ones in trouble or making a scene. Throughout the mass, we sat there talking and making jokes. When it came time for communion, we were all making remarks within our little group, and we looked up to see our TA shaking her head in disaproval but with a hint of "I wasn't expecting any less than you to be joking around". It's a bad habit, cause I tend to talk/ make jokes through out any catholic mass, however, in my head I'm not being disrespectful, it's just that they aren't going to tell me anything different at this point. In our gryffindor colored robes, things got hot real quickly-like. I felt embarassed because I was sweating so much under the robes, and I was barely wearing anything under it! Poor boys in there jacket/pants. Anyways, it came to the point in mass where we all got to shake hands, and I was almost embarassed cause I didn't want anyone to shake my sweaty hand, and then remember for the rest of time as the girl with sweaty hands. To my suprise, everyone else had super sweaty hands which made me feel 110% better about myself. On our way to lunch, we got a flat tire. Oh well.

Early I mentioned how I am in limbo. I say this because it's as if everything is numb, and all these changes in my life haven't really "hit" me yet. It's like I'm just staying a-float because I'm wearing a life jacket. Not swimming nor drowning.

Anyways, it wasn't until the finale of "WICKED" which I got to see twice at the Jubilee, when Elphaba and Glinda were singing "For Good", that I had a moment of "shit, I'm not going to see most of the people I graduated with" ever again and "Shit, I'm moving on with my life". I was drowning for a moment, but now I'm back to wearing the life jacket.

In all other news, Kate and William came and drove the Stampede Parade "backwards". I kid you not, Kate Middleton looked right at my friend and I and waved. I squealed and cried. That's not embarassing at all....
Just a fun little anecdote.
One time, I was at my aunt and uncles house for dinner, and we were talking about Will and Harry's daily jobs. They went on to tell me that Will is a search and rescue guy in wales. I then awkwardly said..."he can rescue me anytime..." It was one of those, "Shit, did I say that out loud?". That's okay. I still stand by that statement.

On top of that, I seriously envy my grandparents generation.
I want to be an old person.
Seriously.

honey pie, you are making me crazy
I'm in love, but I'm lazy
so won't you please come home?

-Happy Blogger

The Science of Getting By Posted by Sad Blogger , 26.6.11 at Sunday, June 26, 2011, in

There's a film coming out this summer with a sure-to-attract-a-slew-of-contemporary-romantic-types title, The Art of Getting By. Naturally, I bash the title because it's been stuck in my head for the past week or so and it really does have that 21st-Century sort of artsy fartsy, "oh my mind is troubled and I just can't help creating beautiful things because of it" vibe. IMDB sums it up thusly: "George, a lonely and fatalistic teen who's made it all the way to his senior year without ever having done a real day of work, is befriended by Sally, a popular but complicated girl who recognizes in him a kindred spirit." Yes, I admit I have an obsession with "isms", fatalism especially. No, I will not be seeing this film.

I took a look at another trailer for the movie in the middle of writing that last paragraph. It was a different trailer from the one they've been shoving in between episodes of Love It or List It and House Hunters (yeah, my life is thrilling), but it gave me even more insight into why I despise the existence of the movie. When I sat down to write this whole thing some four days ago, I was simply toying with the title. I didn't like that it suggested there was an art to getting by. Rolling "The Science of Getting By" around in my head was getting boring and I needed to express the notion in a broader context. I had this big diatribe planned that was going to explore the idea that getting by is, in fact, a science rather than an art. I was going to dribble on about how art has no real rules. How art comes from inside people who are connected to whatever it is that feeds them with brilliant ideas. How art is subjective and even if one person says it's wrong, it can be a completely new kind of right for another person. It's abstract and fluid and freeing and infinite.

Getting by is a science because it's always the same. Sure, some people might have their different methods, but they will always arrive at the same conclusion. It has rules and a consistent structure. It is two-dimensional and suffocating and finite.

Getting By
Step 1: Wake up the first time and imagine not waking up.
Step 2: Wake up the second time and notice how urgently the clock is trying to get your attention.
Step 3: Wake up the third time and accept the fact you're not dead.
Step 4: While pissing, showering, dressing, eating, brushing, think of ways to be not-alive.
Step 5: Cling to whatever excuse to stay alive makes the most sense today. (My family needs me)
Step 6: Keep clinging.
Step 7: Masturbate to create temporary clearness of mind.
Step 8: Resume clinging.
Step 9: While eating, pissing, brushing, undressing, attempting to sleep, think of not waking up.
Step 10: Take advantage of not being a member of conscious existence.

At one point in the trailer I watched, this George kid takes Sally on her first school-skipping adventure. He begins with a set of rules, one of which is just simply..."Noodles". I assume that's supposed to be funny to people who are amused by silly-sounding words and all-too-familiar to the school-skipping culture. Like an in-joke overcompensating with "in" and in desperate need of more "joke". Anyways, in practically the same breath, he declares you must "cut rarely in order to preserve the 'specialness'". So it's meaningful to him and he's creative or something with his witty, inventive non-words. Hey! I thought he was supposed to be fatalistic! I did too. But apparently he's managed to find some meaning in the actual act of slacking. Oh, I just had a thought. These people think they're making Ferris Bueller II.

But they're not. Sad face. They are, once again, "grown ups" attempting to emulate another sub-culture of youngsters that they don't understand. I know that sounds shockingly juvenile and out-of-character for me to say, but read my reasoning GODDAMMIT!!! Just like Diablo Cody thought she was Little Miss Catchphrase with Juno, Gavin Wiesen seems to think he's going to be the voice of the slacker savant. Little Georgie is a brilliant artist who just doesn't give a shit about his education. He makes smartass remarks to the teacher about how meaningless her lessons and assignments are (maaaahhhhnnnn), he tells his art instructor he has "nothing to say". OK wait a minute. A couple seconds further into the trailer, he's this soulful mystery guy that says things like "I'm the Teflon slacker" and "I like layers." So we're shown that he's passionate about his do-nothing-ness but then we go back to the art teacher urging him to dig into his soul and say something about what he REALLY cares about. Of course that's when he realizes he really cares about Sally.

Plot summary aside, this film feels like it's reaching for some cultural middle ground. Like it's going to be the next gateway to clique-equality. Like the geeks before them and the stoners before them, the soulful slackers are finally going to receive recognition. But they're being misrepresented here. That whole "I don't see the point" attitude doesn't come from an inability to recognize what you care about. It comes from the understanding (with blinding clarity) that you don't care about anything. This kid needs his class-cutting and noodles and his art and his girly-friend. He doesn't represent an ism. He's not the new archetype to plumb for entertainment gold. He's a scripted mess.

As I'm skimming over all that, I feel like my point got lost somewhere. But is that so new? I think I touched on all the ideas I'd been mushing around. Oh, kind of a side note. I watched Bandslam the other day and it felt kinda like The Art of Getting By is going to be. Like a writer overheard a teenager mumbling incoherently about what losers he thought all his classmates were and a lightbulb went off: "I bet I could synthesize that rage and manipulate it to create characters that represent what I believe teenagers are!"

Dear writers, stop it.
   -Sad Blogger

To Hell With Exposition, Context, or Introduction Posted by Sad Blogger , 11.6.11 at Saturday, June 11, 2011, in

I find it difficult to recall my childhood. It's not that my memory is particularly bad, I just know that there was a point in my life at which I was decidedly a sissy. I was the kid that would grab the soccer ball when it (finally) came to me and clutch it to my chest in a bear hug, subsequently bursting into tears when the other kids screamed as if the world were ending. On my first day of the third grade, I was the new kid with no previous knowledge of what a "religion journal" was, subsequently bursting into tears when the teacher asked me to get mine out. I remember most specifically a day one year after that. Our fourth grade science class was raising mealworms (affectionately called "mealy worms!" by we yon idiots) to observe their transition from pupa to adult. Part of our project was to construct a little house out of cardboard and milk cartons for our wee subjects. Ambitious architect as I was, I set out to design a trendy bi-level apartment for my bugs, Nolan and Oscar. Halfway through the shingling process, my fat friend, Geoffrey, approached me from the side and informed me that A) I was doing it wrong and B) I sucked. Subsequently, I burst into tears. My parents had neglected to prepare me for what I started to believe was the world out to get me. I imagine if you look closely enough, there are WWII trenches carved into my skin from the constant deluge of hurt feelings and broken dreams that flowed down my cheeks.

Oddly—or more so, naturally—enough, rather than sinking into that role and become a sadder person, or learning from my misfortunes and becoming a better person, I rose from my presumed ashes and became the maker of cry-babies. Starting at a new school in the fifth grade, I immediately picked out the wimpiest kids in the class and set out to establish my higher status. The conveniently-named Erik Bultman became Erik Butt-man and everybody laughed. The obviously poorer-than-everyone-else Erik Bultman was called out for his crimes against vanity and everybody laughed. The scrawny, poorly-groomed, Urkelesque Erik Bultman was tagged and targeted and tormented and everybody became uncomfortable. So technically there was only one wimpy kid in class and literally I was a bully. I didn't know better. I suppose that would have to be the moral if this story had one. I didn't know how to examine my situation and see the difference between right and wrong. That's how kids think. Nobody had really done anything to make me less of a wimp or to make my world less wimp-provoking, so it made sense that I go about creating and prodding as many wimps as I could. Or just the one. I hate to admit that I continued being that person until my parents decided to start homeschooling me in the seventh grade. Even as I write this I am realizing that decision may very well have come at the behest of the parents of every preteen I degraded in middle school. There's nothing like getting the punch line a week after hearing it.

I thought that "vanity" thing was a pretty decent wordplay.

   - Sad Blogger

PS for kareno - I don't care if this seems familiar, I think it's a passable example of my ability and worth sharing :D

You Shall Be "You" Because To Give You A Name Would Mean You Exist. Posted by Sad Blogger , 17.5.11 at Tuesday, May 17, 2011, in

What you need is a good dose of "none of it matters."

Give it to me. 

I don't have a syringe big enough for you, my dear. Even if I did, it's one of those things you can't just have administered. You have to fall into that habit by yourself. Fall through enough trapdoors. Until you land on your back and that numbness in your spine shows you the truth. To put it less pretentiously, I can't change your mind. You have to let yourself realize it.

Well that's not happening. 

You know how people always talk about how nothing is perfect? You gotta figure that means the next best thing anybody—anything—can hope to be is "enough." Poets speak, with leaps and bounds, of the hyperbolic lengths to which their lovers excite their senses and how the women they admire set them ablaze and it seems like horseshit. You don't make my heart explode and the world doesn't disappear when I stare into your eyes. But I smile when you're around and I do stare into your eyes and that's enough. If you'd been paying attention, it might have gotten through to that beautiful mind of yours that you're enough.

You didn't say I had a beautiful mind. You said I had a thick skull and I laughed. 

Whatever. People weren't meant to be considered against the entirety of existence. We look at ourselves compared to EVERYTHING that we are aware of and we are aware of too much. The world is on fire around us and it's ruining our lives because we see it every day. You have to ignore the flames. You have to bring it down to something far more local. You have to take yourself personally. Inside the sphere of your existence, you are "You" and nobody else matters. You depend on yourself and only you give yourself license to continue existing. So tell me, if only you matter, what else matters?

You want me to say "nothing" but I can't. A person who is a people person can't think like that. 

You say that as though I'm not a people person 

As much as you want me to say something more insightful, changing my words won't make your point. First of all, since you can't say it, I will. You aren't a people person. You just feed off of other people's energy. You can't feel so you suck the feelings out of them, bring them up then pull them down into your misery just so you can remember you exist. You use them. Secondly, I said, "But you're more okay with not giving a shit about what people think."  

Right. It's because what they think doesn't affect me. It doesn't affect anyone. What is it that you think you get from people that makes it so worth-it to pursue?

I just care about what others think. I want to know what they see. 

They see what you see in them. Everything that you've thought about other people is what they're thinking about you. All the shit you've thought and all the sunshine and all the dark clouds and all the butterflies. It's all the same. Everywhere.

I think horrible things.

Yes. You expected nobody else would? You never considered what's inside all of our heads? It's as bad in here as it is in there.  

Quit adding words. It's not clever if you're editing the way it came out the first time. But I don't want people to think bad things about me. I'm sweet, usually honest, and adorable .

You can't stop them, Stupid. There are seven billion people out there and if we put you on a conveyor belt and every one of them had to look at you and judge you within twelve seconds, one billion people would adore you and six billion would loathe you. And not a single bit of it matters. 

... 

That's not an actual response. Because all those awful things about other people that YOU think, dont affect them. They keep moving on. You sneer at their shoes or you click your tongue at their slutiness or you fawn over their writing or you lust after their eyes and it doesn't make a single goddamn difference. The same goes for yourself. People tsk at your vertical handicap or stare deeply into your eyes or cringe at your freckles or long to hold you forever and it doesn't make you a different person. It doesn't even make you YOU. You make you you. We are ourselves and all this exterior is fluff.

The worst part is knowing how many "You"s there really are and how much I long to fill your mind like a thick syrup. How much it matters to me what you think. Hello, I promised I'd be a hypocrite and your humble admirer has delivered. Think of me. Happily. Seldomly. Finally.

You boy-faced prick,

    -Sad Blogger

It's Like It's All This Guy Thinks About Posted by Sad Blogger , 14.5.11 at Saturday, May 14, 2011, in

It's days like this, when stumbling upon something so incredibly haunting, that I hate humanity a little bit less.

Imagine the day you stumble upon something that will make you love humanity.

I took the preceding from the comments on a YouTube video. The first is not all that important. Sure, I can relate to it...I feel like most days I'm actually seeking out the filth of the internet so that I might further my hatred for the world. Not even the filth. Sometimes the most beige, innocuous blog entry is enough to infuriate me just because of how completely dull people actually dare to be.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I sat down and started writing all that about a week ago. I logged in a couple times on separate days to edit and adjust, but each time left me bored and uninspired. Which is somewhat ironic since the post was going to end up being about inspiration. I'm pretty sure I wrote a blog last summer about inspiration and how powerful it is. I probably waxed poetic on the way it comes over you and surges through your veins like when the surf pounds against cliffs in dramatic movies starring iconic blonde women. Ya, that kind of shit.

I can't be bothered to actually go back and find that entry, so I'll just keep making assumptions about it. I probably fawned over how long that "I just need to create" sensation hangs around you neck like a little boy with Polio. (Yes, most people would say a chain or something of the sort. A chain is too heavy for this capacity though. The weight of inspiration in like when you have just enough blankets during a not-particularly-cold night. They aren't so much keeping you warm as much as they're just keeping you safe with their presence.) I would have regaled you with my pontifications that the weight of inspiration isn't violent. That it's less like a punch and more like a firm massaging sensation.

But lately it seems so fleeting. A friend of mine questioned my constant reference to inspiration in the past tense. "I was inspired." "It was an inspiration." I explained to her:

To be inspired isn't to be pushed along like the first time you ride a bicycle. It's like being pushed off a cliff.
You get the spark you need and the rest is freefalling.
You gain momentum because that's the only option you have.

Bit of a change in perspective after a year. It was a rather impressive thing to say, though, wasn't it? In fact, when I sat down to write this, I pasted that quote into the bottom of the text box to eventually work into the entry. There's a good chance I finally sat down and committed to finishing this just so that I could shove my philosophizing in your faces.

The truth is that I want to be inspired. As much as it really is a punch in the gut, that freefall is quite spectacular. I wrote a poem last month copying the style of John Donne's "The Good Morrow" and I'm very proud of it. I think it's beautiful and impressive and the people I've let read it echo my sentiments. The poem itself is about inspiration and I think I was inspired when I wrote it. The romantic artist in me is obsessed with the idea of a muse and finding one's own voice within the soul of another, etc.

I've lost my point completely. Once again, the comments on that YouTube video made me think about how easy it is to look around and feel contempt for everything around me. I was about to say 'around us' but maybe you're not as much of a miserable grouch as I am. Either way, the notion that there's something out there that might make me fall in love with the world was refreshing. It still is. Not enough to inspire my ass to work on writing something for more than 5 minutes, but at least there's a bit of a spark. It was kind of like a plenty-of-fish pep talk without the cliches and subtle references to my loneliness. I hate to admit it in these words, but it gave me hope.

Here's hoping,

   -Sad Blogger

April 23- 1-2-3-4 Songs Posted by Happy Blogger , 10.5.11 at Tuesday, May 10, 2011, in

April 23/11


So we woke up at 3:15 am, and checked out, grabbed our "breakfast boxes" and headed out for the airport. My hair (bangs especially) developed this crazy finger curl type style that was commented on several times. The airport was chaotic, but it was swell. Once on the plane, I decided to close my eyes until we took off. 45 mins later, I wake up, and I didn't even know we had taken off yet, I had completely passed out. Airplane food was gross, but I ate the bread off a sandwhich. There was mush. Twas gross. Anyways, we landed in Xi'an, and it was beautiful, it was much less westernized than Beijing. We were so tired because we had been up so long, and we hadn't even eaten lunch yet. Our tour guide explained that Xi'an is better known for its noodles and dumplings (YES!) so lunch was pretty awesome. Then we went to this wall in Xi'an (and no it was not the great wall), however it had a total length of 9 miles. We got the options of biking on the wall, so Rachel and I got a tandum bike. It was hard to get used to at first, but a couple minutes in we got the rhythm (1,2,3,4)! We sang the entire time. BEATLES! JAMES BROWN! ABBA! At one point, we almost went down this flight of stairs because there was no ramp. Thank God we noticed! Our last song we sang was "Thank you for the music!" by ABBA which about summed up the experience here in China. The wall was soooo beautiful, and it was very hot, but with a nice breeze so it was perfect temperature. It was a perfecet experience, and it was a really memorable moment for Rachel and I. At the end, we were attacked by several chinese by-standers, and we stoof there for about 5 minutes getting our pictures taken with so many different people. Rachel poured her H2O on her head and mine too. We went to go back to our new Hotel (it had cool purple stairs that changed yellow when you stepped on them). After being supremely sweaty froma 9 mile bike ride, a shower was well deserved! I felt so fresh after! So Rachel and I put on our pretty dresses and went to a show. The show was various types of traditional chinese dances, and cultural demonstrations. I was at the front which was amazing. GOAL: I'm going to learn to do a back flip when I get home! Supper was a large buffet that was crazy packed. Oh well! I've given up on eating meat here. I just can't do it. But food was much tastier, but still fairly greasy and makes me sick. Tum Tum Tum Tums (sounding like Beethoven). Went and visited Madison and Rhianons room-super sketch- they seriously have the worst lulck ever! Madison saved me in my time of need. (Once again, mother nature can go die in a hole). Went down to our room 516, and vegged with Rach. We talked for a while and talked through emotions.


-xxxooo





You think airplane food is bad in Canada? Just imagine China's.... For me, everything was mystery meat- because you could never really tell what was what anymore. They gave us Kongi(?) which is sort of like tapioca porrige. Gross. Anyways. Being at the wall was amazing. Because we had been traveling that morning, we were all wearing heavier clothing because it would cold on the airplane, however it was about 35 in Xi'An so we just had to deal with the heat. At first Rachel wanted to do her own thing as per bike, but I asked her if we could try a tandum bike together. I had never been on one before and it was freakin' hard the first couple of minutes. One of you loose your balance and you're going down! It was great for Rachel and I, because we got a chance to work together to keep in balance and harmony with one another. We started saying aloud "1-2-3-4" and then we would find songs that would keep us in a rhythm so we wouldn't fall over on our bike. We were in complete harmony with one another and it was just an exhilirating experience. It took us about an hour and a half to get around. We were just doing our own thing. I can bet that chinese people aren't used to having people sing for an hour and a half at the top of their lungs- because we got a lot of strange looks- but we didn't care. Our hotel was amazing, and ofcourse I was naturally drawn to the purple stairs (Madison and I both!). We stood waiting to get our keys for our room for forever. I kind of wished that our school would be a little more organized when it comes to this kind of stuff- oh well, what can you do? My luggage showed up in a later group, so I had to sit around in my stinky clothes an extra hour than most people. Yummy. Rachel and I got all dressed up. For the most part, I don't usually dress up all nice and what not- but sometimes it is the best feeling to take a shower after 9 mile bike ride and to put on a nice dress! We felt pretty:) After the show, it was ridiculous. They should have organized it so that only 1 or 2 tables go at a time for the buffet- but instead it was a free for all. So I tried to get some dessert first, so I could have a "Marie Antoinette", but even that had a huge line up. Our table gave up on trying to go and stand in line for food. So I went and got a plate so that we could all share at our table. P.S. mashed potatoes in China are called "Soiled Bean Mud". What? Anyways, they were pretty good. We got back to the hotel, and I went up to Madison and Rhianon's room. I swear, they were the only students on that floor, and their view was the back of several sketchy buildings and what not. At one point when they were in this hotel room, and they came in and it smelt like smoke... I figured it was an underpaid staff in need of a quick smoke. Went back to my room, which was less sketchy thank god, and just hung out for a bit, eating cookies and chocolate- because I promise you, my friend, there are none of that in China!

-Happy Blogger

April 22- What I've Been Waiting For Posted by Happy Blogger , at Tuesday, May 10, 2011, in

April 22/11
We went to a tea ceremony at a place called Dr. Tea. Anyways I sat in a smaller 'executive' room where we tried 4 types of tea. Jasmine tea which is half green tea with jasmine blossoms. Then we had oolong tea, which to drink properly you must slurp to get the proper taste (and there is a difference!) We tried a tea called pu-er tea which is the only tea that has no caffeine, and its not made out of tea leaves. IT's great for health, and it tastes like nothing, so you can mix flavors with it-(drink and make kissing noises to get the taste). Last was this fruit tea which kind of looked like trail mix, but tasted amazingly sweet even though it had no sugar. Then they had these mugs that would change color when hot water was poured in. Then there is the 'pee-pee boy' that sprays water when water is properly heated. So I bought all that. Then we went for lunch which was the BEST FOOD thus far. We tried 8 different kinds of dumplings yummmmm! Then we went to a silk factory and got to see how it's made- very cool! It's so stretchy! It was very expensive though and I was running out of money. Then we headed off for the 'Silk-road market' where we would get to use our bartering skills. Well it was very busy, and the people knew we are tourists so there was a lot of "come here, special price for you" "what you like?!" "Come here, I have something perfect...."Anyways, I suck at bartering but bought what I had to buy. It was pretty funny they have these chairman Mao flasks and Obama in communist China outfits. Some of the spelling was funny (because most of this stuff is fake) the brand FCUK had a belt, but it flat out read "FUCK". Bahaha, oh I wish I had my camera at the time. Rachel was a crazy bartere, Alayna was about to buy something for 55, and rachel persisted on 20, the lady called her a crazy bitch and hit her on the head several times with a t-shirt. It was soooo funny, and there is video proof coutesy of Koltan. After I felt very overwhelmed and tired, but that soon ended when we got to Hutong (which is China before it was modernized). Walking through it was so beautiful, and I was sooo happy because this was the "China" I was looking forward to seeing. We got a rickshaw tour which was very cool, because there were many restaurants along the way with their own falre/music. It was very diverse and cool. Ten we went and ate supper in a familys home. Yet again, my favorite meal. Everything seemed alot less greasy and very real! How refreshing! at the end our hostess sang to us "The more we get together the happier you'll be". It was probably the most touching moment thus far on our trip, because we all sang along and it was beautiful. We also sangthe "Fang-Yang " song and a bit of "Hakuna Matata". Apparently this washrooms had no doors and it was a squatter without toilet paper so I refrained from using the washroom. The ride back with the rickshaw was CRAZY. they are crazy drivers here! CRAZY! But this was a very awesome day, despite the fact that mother nature currently hates me and my body. Great, next morning we get up at 3:15 am. Woooooot! lets go pack shall we?!

Starting the day off with a tea ceremony was just perfect! Considering I'm a tea-aholic, I was in love with every moment there; learning about all the proper/traditional ways to drink tea. It was kind of annoying, because even though we had a small room, my counsellor found the need to translate everything the poor chinese women were saying to help us understand better. Seriously, they didn't have that bad of accents and we could understand them perfectly, she just had to become super redundant and repeat everything they said to us. At the end, I bought a picture changing mug/pu-er and lychee tea and I got a 'pee-pee boy' for free! I believe this was the only lunch I had ate that much food at for a while. The dumplings were amazing! When we were in the silk factory, I was actually fairly shocked at how good the prices were for silk bedding and what not. Too bad I didn't have that much money. Oh well. I found a little silk kimono that goes over wine bottles, and I thought of my mother and bought it for her. When in the silk market, I walked around with Joanna, Wilson and Tom and some other people that tagged along in the end. I truly hate shopping in Calgary, so being in an even smaller venue with much more people made me more claustrophobic than ever, and I am suprised to this date I didn't end up having a panic attack whilst in there. Once back on the bus, I took a couple minutes just to breathe and then all was well. Being in Hutong was the most authentic experience we got to have of China. Eating the dinner served by the family was amazing. After a couple days of eating restaurant meals, eating a home cooked dinner just hit home with most of us. The family consisted of an elderly wife and husband, and when the woman started singing to us, it almost brought me to tears. At the end of the meal, I thanked them for supper, gave them some gifts from Canada (Maple Syrup/Maple cookies!) and got a picture with them. All the food in China kind of messed up my system. I felt weird pretty much the entire trip. By the end of the night, I felt on top of the world (more so than I did after climbing the wall) because we had a great lunch and dinner, and I got to see what I wanted in China.

-Happy Blogger

A quick note on the current playlist. Posted by Sad Blogger , 8.5.11 at Sunday, May 08, 2011, in

Hello.


As of yet, I have never uploaded an entire album by one person. When I started uploading the playlists, I wanted the music to act as a sort of conduit for the little stories and such we were posting. I wanted the songs to be varied and unique and almost tell a story of their own. But James Vincent McMorrow's Early In The Morning has been sort of inspiring to me lately and I'm thinking I'd like to start posting whole albums for people to listen through and discover a new love for an artist rather than hear one song that maybe caught their attention enough to look up later. I might even start writing reviews for new releases. For now just enjoy Early In The Morning.


Musically yours,
   - Sad Blogger




ps - start with We Don't Eat    :)

Circumventing Cessation Posted by Sad Blogger , 6.5.11 at Friday, May 06, 2011, in

Yes, the title was a shameless stretch compliments of my favorite thesaurus. I couldn't find a nice alliterative pairing for "conclusions" so I stuffed "cessation" into the slot like that puzzle piece you angrily mash into place because you just can't seem to get any of the others to make sense. So there, I admit I'm too lazy to come up with something more clever.


I just got through reading this poem by Kim Addonizio and the transition into the last stanza struck me. My first read through, I'd gotten bored at about the "they say they don't miss you but show up in your dreams" marker. My attention was totally gone by the time she was saying something about headlights or whatever. But then it came back when I noticed that she was droning on about trucks on the highway and warehouses. I was instantly irritated. Why was it necessary to go off on some odd tangent about traffic? Poets do that shit all the time. They have this whole nice poem with one cohesive theme or symbol or what have you, then they get to the end and go, "Oh. This is the part where I should introduce a completely irrelevant symbol and conclude everything vaguely." So I had my little tantrum and got mad at all the stupid poets who think they're being artsy and ambiguous.  Then I read the poem again.


There's a good chance that the trucks were representative of a girl moving from boyfriend to boyfriend, "following the familiar routes of [her] lonliness." See boys and girls? That's why you should always read a poem twice. But that's not the point I want to get to. It's a nice poem and all. I take back all my venomous curses against Kim Addonizio and the other poets that fell victim to my ire. But there was some validity to my rage. Not that I had a right to be angry at anyone else, but I think I was reacting to my own fear of endings.


As a writer, I hate concluding anything I touch. I've mentioned in several of my posts that I usually just abruptly decide I've made enough of a point and proceed to hurtle towards whatever half-decent emergency exit I can throw together. My conclusions are blunt and unintelligent and (wince) vague. I think a lot of it comes from boredom.


The end,
    - Sad Blogger

April 21- Can you spell S-H-A-M? Posted by Happy Blogger , 29.4.11 at Friday, April 29, 2011, in

April 21st/11
Performance day today! So we get to the festivl, and concert band goes first, and they sounded quite good actually. Symphonic Band was next....Satiric actually went very well! Irish tune had some tuning problems but overall very emotional. My solo went really good in Shepherds and we were FLYING in the Ascension. The adjudicator told us he would keep this performance in his heart for ever. A guy also firstly made note to the amazing french horn section! woohoo. I videod Alyssa playing Kookaboura on cello, I'm very proud of her! Jazz Band went well. Boogie Stop was terrible on my behalf. I can usually solo if I just find high Bb and I can usually noodle, but guess who didn't find Bb.... Vocal Jazz was pretty funny, we all laughed at the end. We fell apart in Sing Sing Sing, but oh well. The festival was a sham. It seriously felt more like a talent show, and that opposd to earning something, we were given a 'pat on the back' and a 'thanks for coming to our country'. I hung out with Madison all day, we were pretty angsty. The introvert in me came out, and being around all these people almost made me sick. Kelby didn't wear proper shoes (ugh!) These women beside us sat down, got back up, and because the rows were so narrow, it was awkward and I dropped my camera and dented it, and it didn't work for a bit, but I fixed it now, no worries. Calgary Academy was here. What the ****, they can't even dance, seriously. When they performed at the end, I said "You came all the way to China FOR THAT?". We did a concert finale thing at the end. OMG the asian bands are amazing. They sounded proffesional even though they were Junior High-High school students who had only rehearsed for a month. It was so unorganized it was ridiculous. I feel just ugh about it. At lunch we got to take a tour around a school with chinese school. I walked off. I spoke some chinese (Hi, I'm Canadian), they appreciated the canadian gifts but I'm sure they were laughing at me. I visited with 2 students, Jane and Sumer who wre very nice and we asked alot of questions. Schools are MUCH different. The MC was a D-bag and was stoopid. Ughhhhhh. The food was sketchy.There were people behind glass windows wearing masks and full body suits, dishing food into trays. I felt like I was at a prison caf. I actually could barely stomach anything, and Madison and I were hungry all day. We were all given participation awards at the end of the night, and Wilson and I accepted the Bishop Carroll Jazz Band Award. At the end, a woman came up to me and said "You know, you really souldn't stick your tongue out when you're on stage!" I know I do it when I play bass, but I can't even tell when I'm doing it. ughhhhh peopl! Oh well, Tom made me smile when he fell in the pile of mud. I want to drink tea and breath and I want some GOD DAMN NOODLES! Apparently they don't have noodles in China or they don't ever serve it to us! Oh well, what a doy.

Back in Calgary when we were preparing for the festival, we were rehersaing so much, and practicing like crazy on our own, so to get there and have adjudicators that could only remark on our performance as opposed to the music we actually played. So it was a little frustrating when we all felt like the festival was sham. However, I give them slight props, since this was the first time they had an international music festival in Beijing. I mean, some people regretted all the effort we put in before China, however I feel that our performance we did that day was the best we had ever played as a group, and I was very appreciative of the fact that we got to even play at an internatioal level. I pretty much spent the day just frustrated regardles but I'll get over that. Our selections of songs we played were Satiric Dances by Dello Joio, Irish Tune of County Derry/Shepherds Hey by Percy Grainger and the Ascension by Robert W. Smith. Madison and Kelby are my fellow french horn mates, though on occasions Madison and I have our moments with Kelby. Our tour was pretty cool, they're school schedules are much more intense in China than in Canada. They usually work from 7-5:30. The bathroom in the school made the scariest noise I had ever heard, and I actually couldn't go into the bathroom without screaming and running back out the safety. By this point in time, I barely ate anything in Beijing, everything was so greasy and smothered in sauce. Oh well. It was a very long day at the festival and everyone was feeling angsty. But we wouldn't let a day like that ruin the trip now would we?

-Happy Blogger

April 20th- Today, I Became A Hero Posted by Happy Blogger , 28.4.11 at Thursday, April 28, 2011, in

April 20th
8:18 am So great sleep last night. Showered this morning, cut my ankle pretty bad shaving, oh well. Rachel & I sat with this asian couple for breakfast and we were trying to tell them we are going to the Great Wall today. So we pulled out our sheet and wewere working all our chinese magic (poor talking) and tried to explain ourselves. Turns out they were Korean, but hey, we tried. They were lovely and we thanked them for breakfast.
10:09 pm. Dude, Great Wall!!! we pulled up, and I almost teared. First we performed. Mr. Herard was conducting very fast, so that was an interesting adjustment. We sounded amazing, and while we played, you could look up and see the wall. Then we began to walk. It was extremely difficult and very hard, by the end we were very sweaty. The stairs were very uneven, old and always changing. It was an intense climb, but so worth all the work. We got to the very top, and for Koryn, screamed "I'm the King of the World". We took tons of pictures and sang the Lion Kinh. Going up hurt the thighs, but doing down hurt the calves. By the bottom all our legs were spasming (Majorly!). Lunch was sketchy, we had weird KFC, Lime lays chips, banana and EXTREMELY SKETCHY packaged sausage / hardboiled egg. Jade factory was so cool and unbelievable, some of the things/it is crazy and you almost can't believe it is hand carbed. I tought nice stuff 3 jade necklace, 1 jade pendant and a key chain for Haley. Supper was better than thought. it was the least sketchy, however I didn't try any of the meat. We saw hundreds of pigs in a caged truck, and it made me think of the holocaust and I felt sick to my stomach and I think I want to be a vegetarian. Hung out with Madison & Rachel and we vegged/ranted about life, but couple& testosterone buddies. Life is swell, and I smell of hard work & hero-ness. That's right, I conquered (a mear section) Great Wall, but still I feel exhilirated.
ps. Rachel spilled tea on my pants, and I have to learn to barter and can I say I love my sister and her fantastic selection of undergarments for China. Seriously, never more comfortable in my life.
love love love

My ankle actually bled alot. Curses! That "Korea" story is my favorite story to tell since I've gotten home. We were trying so hard to communicate, so I give us an A+ for effort! Each ensemble except the Jazz ensembles performed at the base of the Great Wall. It was pretty rad! It was about an hour and a half to climb up. For what ever reason, I thought it would be a good plan to be prepared at anytime, so I lugged a bag loaded with water, medicine, food, hat, sunscreen, toilet paper, camera and money weighing about 20 pounds up the great wall. It was hard, because you had to focus on each and every step you took because each one was different. You could have a step about 1inch tall, followed by one almost a foot tall. There were 5 or 6 strecthes to get to the top, and it was hard to tell when you were actually getting to the top, so I have several videos of me thinking I'm reaching the top. By the top, everyone was super red and sweaty, but oh well. Yes, I actually did scream "I am the king of the world" .We sand "I just can't wait to be king" on the top. Coming down was faster, however every muscle in your calves were spazzing, so you couldn't take any breaks, cause all you wanted to do was get down to sit on the bus. The food was pretty redundant, and most the restaurants were serving us the same type of food. The food we ate was pretty greasy, so it was getting harder and harder to stomach. Whilst on this trip, I noticed that there were two guys that tended to spend a lot of time hanging around me. I eventually labelled them my testosterone buddies... Confucious said that if you can climb the great wall, you will become a hero. So me and 150 other students became heros that day! How exhilarating.

-Happy Blogger

April 19th- Summer Palace, Forbidden City and Tianamen Square Posted by Happy Blogger , at Thursday, April 28, 2011, in

April 19th (Because we sort of skipped a day)

7:33 am I slept really well, Rachel didn't...stupid watch. I'm going to help her calm down. We boiled tons of water, because we feel very dehydrated. We a vegging now, and we have a great day ahead=] We listen to music....sooooooo soothing.
10:01 pm got back from an Amazing Day I can't even believe I was in the places I was. Summer Palace was stunning and it was a beautiful walk. The Pearl Factory was cool , and I bought some pearl earrings of each color. Lunch was so-so. Forbidden city was massive. (ps, we hit a taxi going there, our luck...) I found the place where at the end of the movie, Mulan ran up the stairs. Then we went to Tianament Square which was HUGE! and there was a huge picture of Chiarman Mao. I tried Duck for the first time ...mmm... and I gave Lyssie cookies in exchange for my French Horn. All is well, also very tired. Kung Fu show was crazy, I wish I was as graceful and strong. I tried not to fall asleep. Lots of photo bombing, and very unattractive photos. woot wooot.
<3

I bought a crappy watch for when I was in China so I knew what time it was. Unforunately I didn't really know how to work it, so every hour it would start beeping. Aparently I'm a deeper sleeper than Rachel, because I never heard it, yet it woke her up throughout the night...ooops... Rachel (my roomate) and I have been best friends for about 3 years. High School can be crazy stressful, so we decided that we would meditate when we were in China. You can't drink the water out of the tap in China, hence the tons of boiled water. I believe the soothing music was feist. Summer Palace is a Palace in Beijing where Dowager Empress Cixi used to live in the summer time. From the stories we heard, Cixi was a crazy person who was super powerful/manipulative. Before she became the empress, she ordered the previous empress who was a beautiful dancer to have her arms and legs cut off, and after said to her "dance for me now!". Anyways, it was beautiful and it started to feel like we were in China. We got to see what real pearls look like, and we learned how to tell the real from the fake. If they are real, they will produce a powder if rubbed together, and if they are not uniform shape, they are most likely real. So I bought 4 pairs, a white, rose pink, a lavender purple, and a charcoal color pair. Then we went to the Forbidden City, where the Emperor lived. It was unbelievable and breath taking. The buildings are so unique. I pointed out the Mulan thing, and my tour guide rolled his eyes as if it was the whitest thing I could have said. In China, the smarter and more accomplished you are in your education, the higher ranked you would become, that's why education is so important there. At the exit of the Forbidden City, there was 5 different bridges to get in, and the center one was only for the emperor. So naturally when I walked out, I walked down the center one. Once we were outside the Forbidden City, Tianamen Square was right across the street. It was huge. My counsellor who came on the trip mentioned the Tianamen Massacre. We had to 'shh' her, because in communist China, they deny that ever happened. Silly woman. For supper, we had Peking Duck. It was okay, but Duck is quite greasy- wasn't a true fan of Duck. Lyssie guarded my french horn on the trip, because I couldn't carry the french horn and the bass at the same time. Later we went to this Kung Fu show, and I sat at the very back and in the corner. It was really hard not to fall asleep, even as much as I wanted to stay awake. For whatever reason, it was a goal to see who could get the most unattractive photos of me. Let the face making begin!

-Happy Blogger

April 17th - EnRoute to Beijing Posted by Happy Blogger , at Thursday, April 28, 2011, in

CHINA TRIP 2011

April17th/2011
-Got up at 5:50 am, Uncle Pat picked me up at 6:50am. Off to the airport where our 9:10am flight was delayed until 11:00am. Our flight to Vancouver was short and sweet. I watched an episode of "Sherlock", that Neil recommended I watch. Because we were so delayed, we had to run (I skipped) to our plane leaving for China. I sat with Haley. For meals I ate chicken/pasta, beef/barley which tasted like crap and make my stomach nauseaed the entire flight. So I took a gravol which was dunny because I became 'loopy' very quickly. I fell asleep by Joanna, and made remarks with how much she looked like a big baby, and then I passed out. Then Alayna(?) reclined her chair in front of me, and I woke up abruptly, snorting and screaming that my head was squished, followed by I had triple vision in yellow, and I could have sworn there was a dog on the plane. I watched Blue Valentine, Dinner for Smucks, Comedy Central, Harry Potter 7. Landing in Beijing was cool, because it looked so "lego" likeand clumped into little sections. Once we landed, we took pictures, took a train, went for supper where I tried everything but the Duck. Hotel is beautiful, and Rachel and I are very much excited. We have been up for over 24 hours so we are very tired. Chaperone group is awesome.
"I DIG IT" <3
-I'm Done I'm tired.

The night before leaving, I thought it would be smart to stay up as late as I could, and get as little sleep so I could sleep on the planes. I forgot how hard it was to fall asleep on the planes. On our way to the International terminal, I seriously skipped the entire way, because I figured I wouldn't be getting any excercise for a while, and it would help me become tired. Haley and I kept a countdown on the plane, which seemed to be the longest 10 hour flight ever. Most the movies I listed I nodded off in. I had never really taken gravol in my life until that moment, and thank god I only took one. I was seriously trippin. It took a while for it to really sink in that we were in China. We were convinced that we had turned around at some point over the pacific, and that Bishop Carroll had pulled the biggest prank in history. The food was pretty decent, and at this point I was ready to jump in to the chinese cuisine and eager to try new stuff. We stayed at the Loong Palace Hotel and resort, which is considered a high class hotel in China. It took forever for us to get settled into our rooms, so we stood around in the lobby for a while. At this point we had been up for several hours, and we were soo over tired it was painful. Gabrielle said "I think about to loose it", and I said "What ever it is, I've already lost it". We were so delirious, and everything to us was hilarious, we started tearing up. There were huge marble statues of aquatic animals, and Alayna said "Look those are cool!", and I (half asleep) responded "I Dig it", so that's that reference. Once in the hotel, I seriously just passed out and I don't think I have ever slept better.

-Happy Blogger

Bishop Carroll Heads For China Posted by Happy Blogger , at Thursday, April 28, 2011, in

As a brief introduction, my high schools music program went to China for an international music festival in Beijing. We would be gone from April 17-26. While I was in China, I wrote a brief journal for each day. I figured I would post this, because why not? I'm going to organize it in a fashion where what I wrote in my journal that day will be in italics, and I will elaborate/explain later. Warning: I will copy exactly what I put down, and I was pretty jetlagged/tired when I wrote most of these.

Hope you enjoy!
-Happy Blogger

Opening Up: Session 1 Posted by Sad Blogger , 6.4.11 at Wednesday, April 06, 2011, in Labels: learning, vulnerability, vulnerable, writing

I have to make an unfortunate confession. The last two posts I've made were actually plagiarized. Oh my god, yes I know. The good news is they were plagiarized from myself. The bad news is that it indicates how uninspired I've been when it comes to my writing. Sure, content-wise they might still be as entertaining as they were when I posted them to Facebook close to two years ago. Sure, I may have added commentary or switched some words or even made some spelling corrections. The point, though, is that as much as I wanted to create something new and intriguing, I was more interested in the attention I might earn from a couple of anonymous readers and instead chose to recycle some crap I hammered out when I was still in high school. Technically one was from much further back.

I recently dropped in on my writing professor from last semester and our conversation briefly touched upon my ability as a writer and the changes I would have to make to become better. I was initially insulted when she suggested I hadn't learned anything from her class, but now I'm sort of bent on proving her wrong. I guess I'm one of those negative reinforcement types. I need to know I failed in order to want to try? When I was still in the class, she'd told me how much she wanted me to broaden my writing and try to grow beyond the style that I consistently sink back into. She still assures me that my style is excellent and understands that I stick to it because I know it will be successful. But I know that a great writer should be able to adapt to other styles.

The piece of advice she gave me that stood out the most was that I need to be more vulnerable. I don't know if admitting this counts as being vulnerable but here we go. I don't actually know what she meant. I looked up how to be vulnerable on Google and this is what I got:

• Acknowledge your feelings. Denying what we feel only fuels our fear of being vulnerable. 
• Let go of the fear of being vulnerable. 
• Know, feel and believe that whatever happens, even if we do get hurt, that we can not only handle it but that we will also get through it. 
• Misery loves company. So we should be around people who encourages us and allows us to feel good about ourselves. If we associate with people who are also fearful and are not being proactive in developing themselves, we will not grow out of our fears. 
• Accept and love ourselves for who we are and seek validation from within. 
• Let go and trust ourselves. That is all we need to do to be vulnerable. 

Obviously my initial reaction is that this mush is utter bullshit. To my knowledge, I have never ignored or denied my feelings. In my opinion, I'm an exceedingly open and emotive individual. I wear everything on my sleeve and typically pride myself on how quick I am to act on how I feel. I also don't believe that I fear getting hurt. In fact, when it comes to "sadness", I think that more often than not, I tend to thrive in misery. The last two points are completely useless as there's nobody on this planet that I love or trust more than myself.

So I continue to wander through this life without a clue as to how I can be more vulnerable. Share my story? Reveal my true feelings? Is opening up seriously all it will take? I suppose that's what this experience will be about.

But you didn't really expect to get the whole dish now, did you? I had to give you a little taste so you would come back and join me on this journey. Yes, "journey". I'm trying to stretch outside my style, remember?



Finally getting to the sad,
     -Sad Blogger

Tales of a Fourth Grade...Prodigy Posted by Sad Blogger , 5.4.11 at Tuesday, April 05, 2011, in

I've been clearing out my basement over the past few weeks and I've happened across all sorts of relics from my early childhood. There's this particular feeling that comes over you when you see and feel some toy or poster or book that used to be one of your very few worldly possessions. It's like a muscle memory or something that just pulls you back to the specific moments that your brain held on to and nostalgia washes over you in short bursts.


But the most fascinating antiquities that were stowed away in the dark all these years are the stories and journals entries that my mom saved from my stint in elementary school. So because each time I sign in to type up another of my inspiring blog posts I end up staring at the blinking cursor for twenty minutes, I've decided to share one of those gems of a story here. The following was scrawled across several pages with "Wednesday March 22, 2000" scribbled in the top right corner. It was adorned with the fantastic title: "No Name Story".


I was sitting in my basement watching an adventure show with my friend, Geoff. Instantly I jumped up and said "Geoff, did you ever hear of that 'lost treasure of Quambi'?"
"Yeah, I hear it's full of diamonds and other cool jewels." he replied.
"Let's go to the Quambi jungle and see if we can find it!" I said.
We agreed to meet at the dock the next day to take a boat to the jungle. The next morning found Geoff and I taking a speedboat out to the island. As we neared the shore, Geoff and I both cried out in unison, "This place is amazing!"
There were giant mountains with waterfalls running down on all sides, different colored flowers popping out in different places, all kinds of birds and animals. I slipped my camera out of my pocket and started shooting pictures of everything and in no time I had used up all the film. Soon we were on shore and looking for somewhere to stay, like a cave or...did I say cave? Well I just spotted one! "Geoff, see that cave over there?" I asked.
"Yeah, let's try it out," he replied.
As we got closer I saw two red circles glowing from inside...no, four red circles. As we got even closer I noticed that those "circles" weren't circles, they were eyes, the glowing red eyes of werewolves!
"Run!" I gasped.
We ran as fast as we could until we came to a space between two cliffs.
"There's no way out!" Geoff wailed.
"Yes there is," I replied.
Hanging over the space was a vine. I told Geoff to grab an and swing across. Geoff looked at the vine and then at me.
"I can't do it," Geoff whined.
"Fine, hold onto me and I'll swing across," I grumbled.
As we swung across, I heard two desperate howls and then a 'thump' as the two werewolves hit the ground.
"Whew!" I exclaimed as we reached the other side.
We kept walking for a bit longer until we came to a lake.
"How about we take a short swim?" Geoff suggested.
"Sure," I replied.
As I was starting to take off my shirt I heard sort of a rattling sound. I asked, 'Do you hear that, Geoff?"
"Probably just the wind," he replied.
"Whatever you say," I agreed.
Soon we were having fun racing each other, jumping off cliff ledges and zooming down tiny waterfalls. Then we got bored and decided to head on. As we were getting dressed I heard that rattling sound again. "I hear that rattling sound again," I commented, "I'm going to see what it is."
As I got closer I saw two beady little eyes and a tail, a tail that took up...the whole body. Wait a minute, I thought, oh-no! "SNAKE!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.
As the snake darted toward me, Geoff came through the bushes and said "Maybe it's just hungry."
"Oh yeah, right." I said calming down.
We walked around the jungle looking for berries or nuts, until we came to a giant banana tree. 
"Climb up it, and get a bunch of bananas," I told Geoff.
"Okay," he agreed.
When he got down we all had two bananas. Even the snake. Then we pressed on to the seek the treasure. Every night we got to know the snake even better, we even named it Hiss. One day Hiss saved my life: we were walking around, and I was walking backwards talking to Geoff about what we would do the next day.
"So Geoff, what do you want to do tomor...HELP!" I screamed as I suddenly fell backward into a pit of slimy stuff. Quicksand.
Quickly, Hiss slithered up a tree and hung on a branch so I could hold on and then the pulled me up. As I was climbing off the branch, Geoff said "That was amazing!" "But how are we going to get across?" He continued.
"Easy. The same way we escaped from the werewolves," I replied.
Soon we were on the other side with some help from Hiss. We found a place to sleep and went to sleep. The next morning I was awakened by the sound of a drum "Brummmm, brummmm!"
"What's that?" I asked.
"Sound like the Stampede Band," he replied. [here i have drawn an arrow pointing to a messy "that means Geoff"]
At that moment I found out what it was. It was a tribe of evil natives, and they were coming striaght for us! Then I felt a bang on my head and then I was knocked out cold.
I came-to a few hours after that, to find myself tied to a pole stuck in the ground. Suddenly I remember about Geoff and Hiss. "Geoff, Hiss, are you there?" I whispered.
I waited for a few seconds and then heard a rattling sound. It was Hiss. Next I saw him come out of the shrubbery. As he was biting away the ropes bound around my wrists and ankles I heard Geoff moan and saw him open his eyes. Then I heard footsteps. "Hurry up, Hiss!" I urged.
He finished quickly and that gave me enough time to undo Geoff's ropes and buzz off. We found our way to a lake to take a swim. At the lake was a waterfall and I found a tunnel beyond it that led to a cave that was filled with moss. I was awe-stricken. In that cave, was the "LOST TREASURE OF QUAMBI!"
"We found it at last!" I shouted with glee.
We found our way to the boat, threw the treasure inside and headed home.

When I got home the next day I quickly ran down to the basement to phone Geoff, but I couldn't make it. I was so exhausted that I had to have a snooze. So I did.
THE END. zzzzzzZZZZZZ!



As you can see, I was a shadow in my childhood of the brilliant tour de force I would grow up to be. Obviously my pacing left a fair amount to be desired, but it still does so we'll call that part of my style. Back then, my characters blinked through time inexplicably and now I get angry and wedge in a hasty conclusion for the sake of closure. And sure, I felt a little too obligated to describe who said what and how they said it. But goddamn do I wish I could remember the old school, "The next morning found us" transition. So here's that rushed outro I was talking about. Something about finding my inner child and learning from my youthful ambition. Yeah.


Fearing I never actually improved,
   -Sad Blogger