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Teen Arrogance

I was reminded today of one reason in particular why I hate high school students applying for universities/colleges.

Yes, I realize that whilst applying, everyone wants to make themselves look like a well rounded student that all the universities are looking for. Good marks, out of school activities, volunteering, etc.

It makes me sick to my stomach when kids looking to apply for universities go and volunteer the year before they head off to university to spice up their resume. Doesn't it defeat the purpose if you are volunteering with the intention of making yourselves looking better as opposed to actually volunteering to actually be a good decent person?

I'm sorry, but a good friend of mine is currently volunteering at LinkAges, with the intention of looking good when applying to universities. I realize that I'm a little biased, because I have been volunteering at a program at my church since I was 5, and didn't really have a choice. I still help when I can, not so that I can add it as the cherry on top of my resume, but because it's part of my upbringing, and it feels natural that I help when I can. I feel like I'm not alone when I say that when people volunteer, it not only helps the people they are volunteering for, but it hits a soft spot in their heart, and it is helping them in a deeper way.

Other wise, if you go, talk with an elder, and you leave unphased about what genuine service you are providing, I think you should be smacked. Any kinds of what ever you are doing. Don't be selfish for the love of God, because I think volunteering to make your self look better to universities is the most arrogant, self centered thing you could do.

So people out there, and I know who are you, don't be arrogant sons of bitches. Don't just pretend to care about these people, If you aren't sincere, go to a cabin in an isolated forest, sit there for 10 days, look into your soul and manage to find some some human compassion, and then you can help.

Yes, it is okay to be a little selfless sometimes.

-Happy Blogger

Nice use of "Title"!

I would appreciate it if people would quit rewarding each other—and especially me—for insignificant displays of taste and/or intelligence. Let's say, for example, that I pull a word out of my vocabulary that you've heard less than five times in regular conversation as long as you've been aware of the word. You quite like the word and you wish you were smooth enough to spring the word on people as casually as I just did. Let's say that the word is "minutia". Not a particularly impressive word, but it's always tickled your fancy and gosh darn you wish you could whip it out on your friends like antacids at a Superbowl party.

So, enamored with my cunning linguistics as you are, you take it upon yourself to toss me a little doggy treat for so obviously going out of my way to be impressive (let me note here that it's actually -not- impressive at all). Yes, for gracing the world with that lexical delicacy, you congratulate me with a quaint-yet-enthusiastic, "Nice use of 'minutia'!"

To which, I must admit I mentally reply, "Nice use of stupid!"

I honestly don't require your validation, thank you. I actually have an unnecessarily strong sense of self esteem. In fact, I would personally argue that if my ego were stroked any more than I already stroke it, it would ejaculate.

A similar trend I've noticed is the awarding of points when somebody expresses an interest in a movie or a book or a band or a model of car or a brand of shoe or a specific flight number that leaves for Laos on April 23rd. Since the last example was so much fun, I'll indulge you with another. Let's say this time that we were carrying on pleasantly about the ever-broadening universe of popular music. Let's also say I mentioned this rad new album I just downloaded and you realize you're -totally- a fan of that band! So, once again being the selfless chum you are, you shout something along the lines of, "Oh-em-jee! Ten points for liking them, buddy pal!"

To which, I must admit I mentally reply, "Nice use of stupid!"

Now I'm not as ignorant as I let on. People spew this selfish nonsense for a reason, and as much as it sounds like an I'm-a-second-grade-loser-that-all-the-bullies-pick-on retort, I think it stems mainly from jealousy. I imagine that the need to reward people in these situations comes from regret. Like I said, you wish you could have used "minutia", but instead of admitting such...I guess weakness?...you try to claim the upper hand by placing yourself in an authoritative position. As if you acknowledging my "great job" puts me intellectually below you. It doesn't. It makes you sound immature and silly.

The same goes for the points scenario. You don't want me or the people around us to think that I like the band more than you do, so you raise yourself up on a point-doling podium of pretentiousness. You think that if you are the one tossing around kudos, it makes you the authority on the subject and therefore better than me for bringing it up in the first place. Well I apologize for trampling so carelessly on your egg-shell ego.

Let me qualify that I don't necessarily think selfishness is all as bad as the reputation people have given it. Your self is important and all that Ayn Rand stuff that everyone scoffs at. But THIS kind of selfish I can't abide. You people do not own rights to the words in my head or the attachments I make to a given product and/or idea. I like to think that 'back in the day', when people shared a common interest or impressed each other with their mediocre intelligence, they'd be like, "Hey, me too!" and flash a genuine thumbs up. Then shut up already and continue being normal people without getting tripped up or self-conscious.

I guess the perfect world is different for all of us.

Ten points for reading this,
   -Sad Blogger

Bleeping


A friend of mine recently created his own blog on the recommendation of an English professor. For the record, she's the same prof that encouraged me to continue believing I'm the superior writer I think I am. You can judge for yourself whether it's working. Anyhow, he made a post the other night that essentially asked the question that I think I was trying to get around to in a post that I wrote a couple years ago.  You can check out his site and find the post if you need proof of how effectively he got the idea across compared to my random desperate flailing and eventual collapse due to laziness (when in doubt, condense!).


Being the antagonizing bastard I am, I felt obligated to comment on his post with my loudmouthed opinion. And being the lazy schlub that I also am, I decided to post a version of that comment here, edited to read like I wrote it especially for you ladies and gents. So here it is:

With regards to profanity in literature, people often like to bring up the objection that “writers should have the vocabulary to make profanity obsolete.”  However, I believe that in order to take that position, you have to believe that there is actually such a thing as a "bad word."
I have to break this news to you, tough...it’s not words’ fault. They’re just letters mushed together. It’s the thought behind the word that gives it meaning. If you feel, for example, that Allen Ginsberg's “Howl” was insubstantial blather, then that’s what it is to you. But each word was connected to an emotion that Ginsberg had felt and that many of his readers had also felt so the words mean far more to them whether they were profane or not.
The words that we call “obscene” are still words that exist in the list of words we can create. As time has passed, they’ve been stuck with the meanings we give them. If not those words, some other words we haven’t invented yet would be our swear words. But being that they are part of our language, if a writer is good enough, he or she could use nothing BUT curse words and still write something amazing.
I think that words shouldn’t be chosen based on the context they fit but that the words create context. There’s no such thing as an appropriate situation to use a certain word, but an infinite string of situations in which the write can choose to implant any words he or she deems appropriate.

With a hearty "fuck you",
  - Sad Blogger

Proper Respect for the Dead

I had the thought today that, "Chivalry is dead" is a rather common expression. But as much as you hear people slinging this phrase around like inhumanly heavy objects at the Highland Games, any emotion attached to the sentiment lingers no longer than maybe twenty seconds. I suppose that's why it's filed under the cliche column, because it's an empty collection of words that people repeat out of habit. Well sorry, I was trying to come across as insightful.

What I'm trying to get to is that I'd like for the expression to actually carry some meaning. I wish people would back up the things they say with some smidgen of genuine feeling. Some smidgen of passion. They don't need to write and recite a goddamn speech, but just for once, summon some raw emotion and actually say something.

I think, should I grow up to eventually start a family and all that "traditional" banal garbage, I would like to name any pets we end up owning, "Chivalry." That way, whenever one of our cherished family pets died, someone would have to trudge morosely into a room and solemnly announce to the family, "Chivalry is dead." At least then, the words would finally leave someone's lips with some authenticity. That's my wish for this world.

All my hopes and dreams,
- Sad Blogger

Great American Novel Brainstorming Session #2


I decided two seconds ago that this was not actually going to be the slash-wristed, tear-stained turd of an emo rant that I had initially planned to lay down before you. I realize "emo rant" isn't the most original or imaginative name for a long winded inventory of my internal conflicts, but that's what the fuck it was going to be so I may as well not mince words.

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Having elected to give up my furious scribbling for manic typing, I've turned all the lights off and closed the door to create an blog-writingy atmosphere in my room. Even though the sun-on-snow glow from outside penetrates the 30-year-old blanket desperately nailed over my window like it's Ed Norton in American History X. I painted my room brown in the summer and got pissed off at my navy blue curtains, so rape-victim blanket it is.

I flip-flop back and forth between preferring hand writing or typing. With a pencil, you can feel each letter create itself on the paper and there's a sort of intimacy that develops between you and the words. But typing can be equally as satisfying when you get into that tik-tikka-taka-taka-chuh-kah-tik-tik-tik-chika-takka flow and the writing almost feels like playing a piece of music or a video game. It's a coordinated effort that you can feel proud of rather than the effortless curves and angles of hand writing.

Something broken in the walls of this 40-year-old piece of crap townhouse makes a knocking noise every five or so minutes. It's like a constant painful reminder that I'm in here and not doing anything particularly useful. It's also a reminder that I have no money to pay someone with a name tag to make the noise go away. I didn't really need to be reminded.

The cat meows because she's stupid and thinks that if she can meow enough to confuse my memories of having fed her, I will actually get up and feed her again. I yell at her because I'm stupid and think that if I yell enough, she'll understand that I'm on to her game and we can finally agree on a truce. She meows again to underscore my stupidity.

Florence + The Machine wails from my speakers just loud enough so that my mind doesn't get lonely. I think about how hypocritical I am to hate people who claim possession of bands and artists who finally garner some kind of mainstream awareness. Back in "the day" when those obscure artists were unknown and hidden away, as a small community of followers we professed our love for them on forums and wondered "why more people don't listen to these guys!?!!?!?". But then they get a bit of recognition and people say "you should watch this video on YouTube" and we say "lol I own all their albums even that one they released under a different name and also I've heard of them for three years and am a better fan and you didn't even pronounce the name right". We wish it would go back to that intimate mine-all-mine relationship we had before. I wish luck and success to all you up-and-comers, I guess.

I read the other day that the last surviving veteran of WWI died at the age of 110. I think if anyone I knew ever made it past 100, I'd kind of stop caring and probably wouldn't wish them a happy birthday beyond the hundred marker. At that point you've survived a century and aren't really putting an effort into it anymore. I assume it takes a bit of work and dedication to hold on from 80-years-old upward, but surely there must be a peak. If you held on through that 80-100 stretch, any time you log onward is likely just cruise control.

I may end up deciding to change the title of this post later. I'd meant to continue in the direction my first brainstorming session was heading but I got derailed pretty early on. I'll leave it as it is for now as I might be able to extract some of this stuff for viable novel fodder when my mind is clearer.


Particularly sad this week,
- Sad Blogger

Delusions of Grandeur

I'm going to go off on a rant if that's okay with you.
Great.

I finished all my Diploma's in january and technically I have almost enough credits to graduate twice. Why am I still staying at school? To take calculus and phsyics 20. Clearly I know where the fun is at.

I've been studying psychology which I find oddly fascinating, and according to textbook terms, I'm going into a state of 'moratorium'- essentially where a young person is stuck at a crossroads, and struggles to make adult decisions.

I was taking a psych test, and the provided example of moratorium is a student who goes travelling after high school and takes a year off to figure some things out. This will be my life starting next september.

My cousin and I have started planning a trip to Austrailia around this time next year. Our plan is to tour for a month, and then work for 2-3 months. Hopefully we'll either get jobs as an assistant in my uncles company who has an extension in Perth, or we will be working on a farm. In all honesty- I want to work on the farm.

Even though out of all the kids in my school, I probably have the least to worry about because I don't really have to worry about finishing school or anything, I always find myself stressed.
As cliché as it it, I'm stressed about the unknown. The drop off. The get out and do something with your life factor.

I realize I'm smart enough to get a job and to travel, but still. My doctor told me I should meditate to relieve my stress. Maybe I'll take up yoga classes...

Back to psychology. It's probably the general area I want to pursue in University, however there are so many branches I don't even know which path to take. I could take the more forensic root, clinical, behavioural, research, counselling. I study it all. Ambitious- I would think. Oh well. I'll give myself time to think.

I always tend to think that even though I get average marks, I'm actually smarter than all the kids in the school. That I get these marks to blend in, when actually I could be the next Einstein.
Curse you delusions of grandeur!

I'm sure everything is going to work out just fine.

I'm now going to meditate.
Or atleast try.
Wish me luck

-Happy Blogger

Oprah Has Brainwashed Me

To put it bluntly, I tried being vegan for a week because Oprah went vegan for a week.
Funny thing is I'm not even that big of a fan of Oprah. I realized that if she said let's jump off a bridge, I would be one of those people who jumped because Oprah did. Unfortunately I'm a brainwashed zombie. Damn.

I chose a terrible week to do it, with Superbowl sunday sitting right in the middle of the week, and my friends 18th birthday.

I only lasted 3 days. I gave up when the honey garlic chicken wings were served during the half time of the game, I mean, who could give up honey garlic!?

I think I probably could have committed if I really focused. I mean, I'm not always the biggest fan of meat, and most animal by products as it is. The worst part about being a vegan in my opinion, is the lack thereof of cheese. I was seriously deprived. Cheese is stupidly amazing.

Veganism isn't for me. Maybe I could sway vegetarian? I could still keep my cheese...huh!

I want a cheeseburger.
That's all.

-Happy Blogger

Speaking In Circles

Today I started writing a story because I thought I had an important idea to share but figured just coming right out with it wouldn't be creative enough. I've been struggling with my own ego lately. I tend to think that I'm a rather spectacular person but realized yesterday that I basically do nothing with all this potential that I think I have. I spend a lot of time telling myself that it doesn't really matter if I do nothing with my spare time because I'm pretty much awesome all the rest of the time. But yesterday I watched some videos of a guy who is actually going out and getting acclaim by doing exactly what I think I'm good at. Then I created a little mental video in my mind of me watching him doing what I think I'm good at. If you compare the two videos, I'm the loser. Even if you don't, the fact that I was jealous of a guy that is doing something that I could be doing...yeah either way I'm a loser.

SO!

I sat down with my notepad and brainstormed about what I had to tell the world. I wrote this in class while my professor droned on about the definition of family:

There is an unfortunate difference between having something to say and simply saying things. I hear people in my school talking all the time. A constant stream of hollow, self-obsessed babble. I have to wonder if their friends are thinking the same thing I am: Nobody cares how long you let your phone charge last night. Some of them think they have an important thought to share, but it's mostly recycled anger from smarter people who had a good point several decades ago. So much of their reactionary cynicism is inspired by people they didn't know and can't even identify with. Get your own righteous indignation, I say!

I have since reread that passage and find it to be empty and wholly unoriginal. You might even call it hypocritical...bitterly scribbling words out of the pretentious presumption that I was being intelligent and superior.

So after having my crisis of self-esteem yesterday, I figured I'd sit down this morning and actually create an original piece of work. I landed on the idea I felt needed to be shared and began to type out the following

I would like to tell you a true story about a seed. Most stories that that people tell you that have seeds in them start with the seed getting planted and then growing into something good and lush and covered in moral leaves and plot-twigs. In this story, a seed gets planted which is quite bad--a bad seed you might say--but then that seed plants another seed which grows into a thing that is full of ambiguity-buds and possibility-bark.

That's how far I got before I decided I was really going nowhere with a rather plain idea that wasn't necessarily going to have an effect on anybody. Anybody. I am, after all, a blogger. I should be getting my shitty opinions across in short, to-the-point...well...blogs. So here's the point plain and simple.

I think internet culture is leading to an eventual universal acceptance of homosexuality. As it is, internet and online culture is charged with homo-eroticism that I would guess most of the people it affects are completely unaware of. Being that it originated from hatred and intolerance, it makes sense that they wouldn't even realize it. But the truth is that the overexposure to eat-my-dick and you-know-you-want-it "humor" has made homo-eroticism normal and widely accepted among a generation that started out drenched in 'gay is bad' propaganda.

Like I said, eventual. It's a long-run sort of thing but I think it could be a good thing some day. I dunno, maybe I'm naive and hopeful. Anyhow, I got my point across goddammit! Chew on it.

Still pretty sure I haven't said anything,
- Sad Blogger

Can You Use it in a Sentence?


I can't quite recall the first time I heard anybody use the word "ginger", but I remember how wrong and not-allowed it seemed. I must have been close to 10 years old, maybe older, and all I wanted to do was go home and quietly repeat the word to myself. It wrapped so pleasantly around my tongue and gently slid off the tip like a fried egg out of a pan. I hadn't really known any gingers at the time. There were a few of them at my school, but they mostly flocked together so I had no way of identifying with them.

I met my future friend, Jonny, at a youth retreat when I was in the seventh grade. I didn't pay much attention to him at that time; not knowing anyone, I had latched on to his friend, Mike, and paid only a minimal amount of attention to Jonny. It was the first time I'd really ever joined in conversation with a ginger, though, and I was surprised at how normal he was. Following that retreat, I can't say I started going out of my way to befriend any other gingers, but I certainly wasn't as quick to judge or avoid them.

I didn't see Jonny until two years later, when a mutual friend suggested him as a drummer for a band I was trying to put together. We immediately began bonding over our love for music. As well as a friend, I gained a window into what life was like for his people. I would often tease and affectionately call him a ginger, to which he would weakly protest, but never take offense. However, following one particularly scathing session of mockery on a day trip to Edmonton, he finally broke down and admitted that "the ginger thing" was funny now and then, but that I had to consider the history of the word and what it meant in a social context. I had to admit that at that time in my life, I'd never been fully conscious of the meanings of words. To me, they were just collections of letters, but Jonny was right. Over time, the Gs and the I and the E and the R and the N have come to represent so much more. They have been used to oppress and subdue. In Jonny's case alone, years of verbal abuse and ritual bullying at the hands of those monsters we call schoolchildren had transformed a simple word into fears and insecurities. In a slightly less political context, having grown up somewhat overweight, the tear stains in my childhood pillow slips can attest to the effect words like "fatty" and "chubchub" can have on a person. I can only image the torment gingers have gone through to be something like my miserable, tubby little broken heart multiplied by a thousand.

I became increasingly aware of when and how "ginger" wormed its way into my life and the lives of my friends. I commonly heard people justifying their use of the word with the excuse that gingers commonly use it within their own community. We really have to respect that if these people, as a group, choose to reclaim the word as their own, it doesn't mean the rest of us have a right to its use. Even as the friend of a ginger, I have not earned the right to take a word with such a storied past and toss it around as if I am some working type at a party and it is a joke about lawyers. One does not gain the right to perform life-endangering surgeries by cutting oneself while shaving, and one has not earned the right to called a ginger a ginger simply by having seen one on TV.

I can't claim to be perfect, though. On the first day of one of my second-year college classes, I was talking to a friend and a ginger sat down at the desk immediately in front of us. There had been one in a class we'd taken the previous semester and I couldn't help muttering, "Look, there's one in every class. The good ol' token ginger."

I guess I'd been loud enough for even the professor to have heard me. She called me out on my attitude and I apologized to the young man, but I regret that I continued to harass him in both my writing exercises—the kind that get read aloud—and conversation—the kind that is not quiet or in any way inconspicuous.

As I got to know my classmate better, I began recalling Jonny's wise advice all those years ago in his mom's Impala. Looking inside myself, I knew that I had no issue with this ginger. I had no problem with any gingers. How is it that a prejudice can be pulled over our heads like a scratchy, woolen sweater and we just accept it without protest? So some angry people a long time ago were biased against certain sections of the color wheel. How did that become any of my business? I'm proud to say I've since gotten over my prejudices.

I've also started therapy to get over my dyslexia. I think I'm doing quite well. I've improved to the point of only messing up a small collection of words. Unfortunately for my ginger friends, they'll just have to wait. See? There I go again.


With crimson love and ginger affection, -Sad Blogger

Three and a Half Weeks

Three and a half weeks ago, I entered a foreign house.

A couple months ago I was asked by a friend of a friend of mine if I could house sit for them while they were away in Austrailia over the span of three and a half weeks starting December 9th. Desperate for money, I agree. You see, I'm going to China with school, and I kind of need to pay for some of it, and so with a promise of money at the end of this adventure I commence.

I'll be honest, initially it was kind of weird. I mean, you have the keys to someones house, you're watching someone's pets, taking showers in their showers, watching their movies and sleeping in their bed- not to mention you are going from an obnoxiously loud house to a barren house. The first night was a little rough, and I barely slept... however that soon changed as the days went by.

So, the main goal was taking care of the three pets. Lacy the dog, Sparkles the cat, and Skittles the hamster.

Lacy looks reminsicient to a bijon shitzu, however she is much thicker boned and she is covered in fluffy black fur. If I'm honest, she looks like a mini "Ewok", and so that's the pet name I usually called her. Not to mention her incescent need to be comforted at all times. She always wanted more. It starts with me sitting on the couch, and her on the floor. She whines, and she jumps up. I casually stroke her back, however that's not enough. then she climbs up onto my lap, and I continue to stroke. The next thing you know she's licking your entire face and if you don't continue to pet her, she whines like no other until you begin to pet her. I will state that she was probably the cutest of the three, however he constant need for attention became redundant and exhausting.

Then there is Sparkles the cat. Coming into this job, I wasn't really a cat fan. It's probably because my friend used to throw her cat at me and I was scared, and ever since her cat and I have a mutually disliking. However, she was the kind of cat that was routine. Get up at 6:30, feed her, on occasion give her a treat, and then at 11:00 at night, she would go on the bed that I slept on, would roll around begging to be petted and then would sleep at your feet. On occasions if you were sitting down, the cat and the dog would be competing for your attention, as they were both 'lap' pets. Towards the end I would chose Sparkles and I began to like cats. Apart from the name, she was my favourite.

Then there was the Hamster. If I'm honest I think hamsters are disgusting creatures and I don't understand why any one would want one, however I kept him fed and watered. Then there was the day, it was probably about the 15th day in, and I went to go change the shavings in the cage because it was starting to stink, and I went to go move Skittles, but he wasn't moving... after further examination, he wasn't really breathing either. I called to my sister who had slept over, and she came over and looked. We stared for a couple minutes hoping for a miracle, however the hamster was dying and there was nothing I could really do about it- I mean, it was really old.

So I came home to a officially dead hamster, put him in a box and put him outside where he could become frozen. I couldn't believe it! I killed their hamster! Imean, ofcourse he died, I did all I could, I fed him and what not... but I couldn't believe it! So I sent an e-mail, and it only gets worse from here. In the e-mail I sent, I addressed the Hamster as a girl and wrote that her name was Oreo (where I got this name I'll never know). I later found out that the hamster was in fact a boy and was named Skittles, and I was further embarassed and in complete shock. When Christmas came around, the news of me killing a hamster spectulated and I became the laughing stock- all in good fun though.

As a began to spend more time with these animals, I realized that I was kind of like the dog and the cat in some ways, mainly the attention. Now I'm not saying I always need to be in the spot light- I'm referring to the stroking and petting. I kept thinking about all the times at home when we are watching a movie that I beg for one of my sisters of my mother to 'play with my hair' or 'brush my hair' and massage my back. It was then that in that respect, I was like a dog.

The house was relatively easy to manage. As for food, I would go to my house for supper, and conviently, my house was only a couple blocks away. I bought some breakfast foods and bags of salad which did it's job. After the first night I began to sleep much better- and discovered that the bed was possibly the most comfortable bed I have ever slept in. The Tv was great, because they have lot's of channels that I don't usually get so that was great. In the basement they had a ton of old 80/90's romatic comedies that I eventually watched.

I couldn't help but think 'this is the life'. I could stay up as late as I wanted, I could sing in the shower and not worry that I would be annoying someone. I could dance around the kitchen to music and sing to the dog without anyone knowing. I could get up and play the ABBA CD every morning when I was making breakfast. I could lay on the couch the entire day without being told to get up and do something.

For three and a half weeks I managed on my own and it was great. I discovered that I could in fact run a house on my own (naively however, seeing as I'm disregarding the money aspect, and any electrical/plumbing issues). I also discovered that when I am older, I want a cat over a dog- they can be just as cute and loving- and easier to manage.

Three and a half weeks later I have a cheque to put in my bank account and a souvenir koala shirt from Austrailia.
Three and a half weeks later, I am back at home.

-Happy Blogger
 

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