Wearing Cold Posted by Happy Blogger , 15.4.13 at Monday, April 15, 2013, in

Finally, all my assignments for the year are done- no more papers no more quizzes. Just my final exams. 

I would be lying if I didn't come home today after my last class, took a nap and then cried when watching the Notebook. It's been one of those kind of years at school, unfortunately. I was running on no motivation and I was severely lacking interest. Sure, I mostly liked my courses, but it was the whole experience of my first year of University that kind of sucked for me. I never involved myself, but I never felt like I wanted to involve myself. I seemed to be much more content to just come home and take naps and sleep away my days. 

I'm not much of a person to go out and party and get drunk and all that jazz- but a part of me regrets that I didn't go to university outside of my home town, and experience the whole rez thing and being a stupid party girl. I feel odd admitting that at the end of this term, all I want to do is dress like a slut and get drunk. Oh, the things I crave. 

Mostly I feel unsure about how I feel. How resolute? 

Sometimes I don't even remember how to be motivated. I've been considering moving out, just to give me something to work for- rent, groceries, increased accountability. It would either be the greatest thing I've ever done, or the worst social experiment I've ever attempted. I can't tell. I shall continue to ponder this...

It's the strangest feeling, re-experiencing moments. They've become increasingly reoccurring. 

This might sound morbid, but I was reading a journal that I was keeping in the fall, and I was reading the entry where I was talking about what it was like to see my best friend dead in a coffin. (I should really learn to be more sensitive.. but stoic it is), and I can't tell if I was trying to be poetic, or if I was just really out of it when I described her as "wearing cold". Any who. That inspired me to write a short, sweet (well, I guess bittersweet) poem (though I never see this as poetry, I just collect passing thoughts)

wearing cold

that's what you were

unwillingly you lay

bone chilled I stay 

to make sure 

you are

wearing cold

I don't know whether I should  pity myself for such passing thoughts. 

I guess I'm used to it. Sort of? Mostly? I think? I don't know? 

-Happy Blogger

An Ounce of Pain Posted by Sad Blogger , 10.4.13 at Wednesday, April 10, 2013, in

This one's extremely peaky towards the end but I really don't care. I've been carrying this stupid ripoff of Sweet Child of Mine around in my head since the 10th grade. It was the first thing I ever played when I discovered delay and it's still the riff I use to check delay speed. Anyhow, I decided it's time I finally put it down with something so I threw together this little mess yesterday and arranged it this morning to come out with that sort of step-by-step feel of a good looped track. I'm trying my hardest not to sound self-indulgent.

So here it is. It could probably use some soaring, aggressive stuff at the end to give it some more emotion and a sense of closure, but I kind of just wanted to get it over and done with. I really am a less creative version of Professor Calamatis. Whatever. Enjoy.



Title is obviously derived from a lyric in the song I stole the riff from. And saddest part? The riff itself is the worst-sounding bit of this recording.

Cheers,
 -Sad Blogger