Hopefully No Tracks Are Missing This Time Posted by Sad Blogger , 19.1.13 at Saturday, January 19, 2013, in

So the last time I tried doing one of these things, I didn't check to make sure that the whole file worked properly. To be honest, I'm not going to be checking it this time, but I wanted it to be known that I was and am well aware of the issue. I mean I'm pretty sure nobody really listened to it, but it pays to come across diligent.

My fingers are crossed this time, though, for this "podcast" to be as awesome as I told myself it was while I was recording it. I think the songs are better, I think I had more interesting stuff to say about the artists. I think my voice might have matured......probably not, but a squeaky-voiced man can hope.

Anyhow, give this gem a listen and maybe you'll hear some cool stuff you've never heard before. As an added caution, you'll want to set the volume on the player to about halfway. I'm realizing now that I recorded it quite loud.


If the embedded player doesn't work for you, the file can be downloaded here.

As promised, the track listing is:

Alt-J - Intro (heard under my introduction)
Balmorhea - Bowsprit   youtube
Alt-J - Bloodflood   youtube \\ torrent the album
Swans - Lunacy   youtube \\ torrent the album
How To Dress Well - Cold Nites   youtube \\ torrent the album
Kathryn Calder - Right Book   torrent the album
Tame Impala - Elephant   youtube
Sharon Van Etten - Serpents   youtube
Lost in the Trees - Neither Here Nor There   youtube \\ torrent the album
Exitmusic - Sparks of Light   youtube \\ torrent the album
Perfume Genius - Floating Spit   youtube

My Boss Would Love To Know This Is How I Spent My Morning Posted by Sad Blogger , 3.1.13 at Thursday, January 03, 2013, in

I've never had a New Year's resolution in my entire life but I was thinking on my train ride in this morning that maybe it's about time I finally give one to myself. My resolution this year is to set goals. Because when is the last time you heard of anybody sticking to their dumb New Year's resolution? Yet people achieve their goals every day. Then again maybe I'm jinxing myself by wrapping the goals in the flaky shroud of resolution. Fuck it. It's not so much to do with the ritual of NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION, but more that I was thinking of how much other people need to change and figured it would be unfair to ask for such a thing and not offer some form of selflessness on my own part. And once again (for the Nth time), by selfless I mean changing or giving away a piece of the self. The beautiful, intangible, soulful, established core of our identities. Who and what we are. But enough of that. I think for the most part that people give themselves resolutions out of some  bizarre conformity to a shitty tradition. The beginning of a new year is a convenient time to "turn over a new leaf", but it's usually something easy based on cultural or societal pressures. "I will stop smoking or drinking or eating because other people keep telling me I should." "I will donate more time or money to my family or my church or a charity because it will make me a better person." "I will be a better person." Will you? Why?
Do you want to be a better person because you want other people to perceive you as a better person? Do you want to be more healthy because somebody told you to be more healthy? Or can you envision another reality in which you are a happier person for all the changes you've made in your life?

Because that was my problem. I remember making a post either here or on Tumblr (yes...I know) in response to a post I'd seen on a friend of a friend's blog about making goals to be happier. I was all pissed off and incredulous because I couldn't understand how people can't just be happy. The way I saw it, if you needed goals to feel content and comfortable in your own skin, you were a weak, self-hating person with no sense of self-awareness. You know? "I need to follow these steps to make myself the person I want to be." I couldn't wrap my head around just wanting to be the person you already are. I love being who I am; love being in my fat body with my hyperactive mind and all the cynical, whimsical, anxious, innocent, misanthropic, adorable, perverted, genius shit that swirls around in it. It's pretty fantastic being me. I mean my physical and emotional and psychological qualities obviously wouldn't be a lot of other people's cup of tea. I'd imagine the significant number of people that wouldn't even want to be around me is DWARFED by the number of people that wouldn't want to be me, but I get a kick and a half out of it. So for the longest time it was impossible for me to see any benefit in changing. 

But it occurred to me just barely an hour ago that changing doesn't have to be changing your self. I mean that  would be unhealthy. Unless you were already legitimately fucked up. If your attitude and personality and own decisions have harmed other people or led you down a path to a seriously bad place, you may want to consider changing who you are. But this little epiphany (as insignificant an epiphany as it may be) I had is more about making the decision to make changes that will find you in a better place. Because sure I can be pleased as punch with my situation, but what's to say that there isn't a better version of it on the other side of a minor tweak in my routine? For example, I declared in November that I would start working out with my roommate daily on January 3rd of this New Year. Not because I wanted it to be New Year's thing, but because all my December money was going to be sunk into Christmas and birthday gifts as well as paying off my credit card. I had a paycheque coming on January 2nd, so I would sign up for a gym membership on the 3rd and training would begin. That was the deal. And as today is the 3rd, the deal is looming. But I'm going to stick to it because it has nothing to do with the 2013th anniversary of not being enough for everybody else. It's not out of a need to feel more confident or attractive. Actually, if I'm being completely honest, I want to get ripped and craft a boar's hide vest and finally become the Viking I've always known I should be. But for the sake of this preachy bullshit blog post, I'm setting a goal that I hope will change my situation so that I might EVEN MORE delight in being who I am. I'm not going to change my self, but I'm going to insert my self into a different reality where being me is even more enjoyable. I think that's what resolution should be about.

So back to my goals. This year I aim to want things enough to pursue them. I'm not sure whether underneath it all it's laziness or fear, but I always get so caught up in how content I already am that I stop myself from going after the things I think will make my life even better. Every time I find myself lusting after some new toy to add to my collection of cool stuff, I aim to stay myself and think of how my time or money can be better spent to further my progress as a human being. This year, I aim to like people more. I shut myself off from a lot of social opportunities not so much because I find them intimidating or uncomfortable, but because I don't want to commit to the emotional investment of friendship. Then again, maybe it really is a defense mechanism that I've painted over with a couple coats of misanthropy and narcissism. God damn it! This was supposed to be about you freaks but it's turned into four paragraphs of self-analysis. But really, perhaps I've been so traumatized by the rejection I experienced from the people I thought were my best friends post high school that I've repressed it all down into a mask of superiority and disinterest. I don't think that's what it is, because the possibility doesn't make you all seem any less boring or space-wasting, but it's an absolutely valid theory worth considering. Anyhow, I'm going to attempt to let more people into my life this year and see if it gets me anywhere. Updates to follow, I suppose.

But if I'm going to do all that, I want you silly geese to make some resolutions as well. And by resolution I'm referring specifically to the notion of resolve. Be definite and earnest. Commit and persist and accomplish. Constantly reflect on how you can be better and live it. And when I say 'better' I don't mean you're not good enough. I don't mean improve in the eyes of your parents or your peers or your boss or your god if you have one. Improve for the sake of being a better version of yourself. Human beings are born with the capacity to be incredible, but so many of us pass up the tools and opportunities handed to us to manifest that incredibility. So resolve to be wholly yourselves. Resolve to have so much confidence in your own thoughts and desires that it annoys other people. Resolve to be beautifully original. Be influenced and inspired, but never derivative. Resolve to live the way your heart and your mind tell you to.You don't live in a sitcom or a romance novel or a soap opera or a crime drama. Your friends aren't scripted characters and your life doesn't have a plot. So resolve to toss out any "what would _____ do?" or "but ______ would never say that" nonsense that you have stored in the back of your mind. That shit isn't real. You and your friends are. Your life and your love is. Don't censor. Don't filter. Talk, be, feel, think, act, sing, walk how you want. Resolve to make your own stories. There's an eternity of beautiful stories by other people for you to quote to your friends and family, but we are the stories we tell and you can't live through other people forever. Resolve to go out and have experiences. Just be outside and consider its vastness. Ponder and pontificate and form thoughts and be enthusiastic about existence. Let your mind wander until it lands on an idea that enthralls you so absolutely that you just have to call your mom or text your roommate or rush home and type it out frenetically so you can share it with the trickling rivulet of anonymous readers that happen upon your goofy, purple blog. Resolve to discover. Resolve to respond. Stop idly absorbing information and ask a fucking question now and then. Question EVERYTHING! Wonder why. Search for meaning in everything and cling madly to the meanings you find. Show off all the cool junk you've learned and engage people with your fascinating brain. Stop being so goddamn timid and insert yourself into conversations. You got some knowledge? Resolve to drop that shit. Resolve to be funny. Resolve to be weird. Let the you inside your mind spill out and bother other people. Embarrass yourself with all the kooky, creative, amazing things you have to tell everybody. Real people will appreciate how profoundly yourself you are. Shitty people will run far, far away. WIN/WIN! Resolve to change people's perception of self expression. Inspire people to be themselves.

Does that seem like a fair exchange?

Happy 2013,
   the Sad Blogger